Romance should feel comfortable. However, the reality is that getting close with another person sometimes means veering into uncomfortable topics. What are the questions to ask each other in a relationship? The uncomfortable ones! Asking uncomfortable questions is often necessary to get closer to the person you’re connecting with.
Uncomfortable Questions to Ask: When You First Start Dating
Asking the right questions is an important part of getting to know someone. Communication is at the center of any strong relationship. So, what comfortably uncomfortable conversations should you be having to make sure you are saying the right person? Here are 5 important relationship questions for couples.
#1 “When Was the Last Time You Were Tested?”
For many people, this is definitely an uncomfortable question to ask. However, asking about testing isn’t a test of your partner’s value or worthiness. It’s an important part of self-advocacy in a relationship. You should feel comfortable with risking the discomfort of asking about your partner’s latest STD check.
The key here is to avoid making your question sound like an accusation. You should also be willing to be totally transparent about your own STD status. If your partner hasn’t been tested recently, offer to make a testing appointment followed by a coffee date for both of you! Always remember that reluctance to be forthcoming or cooperative regarding the STD topic is beyond a red flag.
#2 “Are You Looking for a Long-Term Relationship?”
People get hurt when both partners aren’t on the same page. The question about intention is one of the biggest questions you should ask your partner once you feel like there’s a connection. People avoid asking this question for two reasons.
The first is that they feel like it makes them sound “pushy.” You may feel like asking about the other person’s intentions makes you vulnerable because it reveals that you desire a long-term relationship. The second reason is that people actually fear the answer. You may prefer to simply leave the question unanswered because you’re afraid that the person you’ve sprouted feelings for doesn’t want to be exclusive. While asking about a person’s long-term intentions is hard, the miscommunication that results from not getting a clear answer is often harder.
#3 “Are There Any Exes You’re Not Over Yet?”
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship where the other person was still carrying a torch for an ex understands the importance of this question. They probably wish they had asked it on the first date! This is one of the big questions you should ask your partner simply because you need to decide if you have the emotional energy to deal with excess baggage at this point in your life.
If you’re focused on finding someone ready to go “all in” with you, this is an important question. If you’re honest, you’ve probably been the person who tried to date when you weren’t really over your ex at some point. That means you know how conflicted and unprepared a potential partner who is still in the pining state might be.
#4 “How Do You Feel About Kids?”
This is one of those important questions to ask your partner. It will help you avoid surprises and conflicts down the road. It’s not even necessary to ask if a partner wants kids. In reality, you may not even be sure of your own answer at this point in life. However, this is one of the questions you should ask your partner simply to measure compatibility regarding the topic. Some people are extremely rigid regarding their plans for or against having children. This can create tension as a relationship grows more intimate.
Uncomfortable Questions to Ask: After You Have Been Together Awhile
Congratulations! You’ve made it through five years or perhaps even a decade as a couple. Now is the time to have a candid conversation with your partner about some uncomfortable topics. Here are the relationship questions for couples that you need to ask.
#5 “What’s One Thing You Wish You Could Change About Our Relationship?”
You may feel yourself wincing just thinking about asking your partner this question! However, the truth is that this question isn’t designed to start an argument. It offers a safe avenue for your partner to share where they see room for improvement. What you’re really asking is how you might be able to help your partner feel closer to you, more supported and more fulfilled. This can actually be a relationship-enchaining question if you go in with positive intentions, an open mind and an understanding that there’s no wrong answer.
#6 “Are You Still Attracted to Me?”
This can be a particularly hard question to ask your partner. However, not asking can have serious consequences for your relationship. Sexual intimacy plays a large role in long-term relationships. A lack of intimacy can lead to feeling disconnected from your partner. Of course, if you or your partner no longer feel attracted to one another, you will want to talk with a couples therapist about how to regain the spark.
It’s Never Too Soon (Or Too Late) to Ask the Hard Questions
Sure, these are uncomfortable questions to ask in a relationship. But, comfortable love starts with embracing the discomfort of getting to really know your partner. The important thing to remember is that there are no wrong answers in love as long as everyone is being honest!
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